Acherontic
by Nosferatu's Cigarette Binge
Summary: Alicia runs into Elsbeth, her brother, and now ex- husband while doing some Black Friday shopping. Random one-shot.


**Disclaimer: **I do not claim any rights to TGW characters.

**Laurie Tascioni: French Stewart**

**Theron: Carson Kressley**

* * *

_"Why did I let Mom talk me into this?"_

Alicia Florrick slowly drifted through the fluctuating seas of Hades as possessed, mindless drones came at her from all angles. Deftly she navigated past loitering or spasmodic bodies, until a group in front of Alicia came to a halt, damming the steady stream. She stood, trapped between the baby strollers and a ravished DVD display for over 7 minutes, looking to her left as the masses crept forward. She was surprised to see Elsbeth Tascioni struggling in the same tides.

There was a great difference, however, between Alicia's fight and the battle of her fellow lawyer; Elsbeth seemed to be beyond happy to mingle amidst the madness. The redhead quickly caught sight of Alicia and began to frantically wave.

"Mrs. Florrick!" she yelled over the white noise of the crowd.

"Mrs. Tascioni. Hi," Alicia said through a tightened grin.

"Hi!" Elsbeth sighed as she raised her shoulders and tightly gripped the handle of her shopping cart. "Wow, there sure are a lot of people in here."

"Yes..." Alicia shifted the strap of the handbag on her shoulder, not knowing what else to say. "D-Did you find everything you were looking for?"

Shaking her head, as if lost in thought Elsbeth looked into her shopping cart.

"Well, let's see... we got some sheets for my nephew, several Barbies - you know some of them were only $5 - a slow cooker and a hand mixer. Actually I picked up a bunch of those... Ooh! I get to move up a bit." Elsbeth happily bopped forward two steps only to stop again.

"That's ok, you don't need to list everythi-" Alicia stopped mid-sentence as Elsbeth advanced beyond the DVD display that had obscured her; a man was laying in her cart with a blanket of DVDs covering his chest and stomach. Propped behind his head were a couple of oversized SpongeBob pillows. Alicia blinked but said nothing, keeping her gaze on the face of the man as he returned a blank stare.

"We got the last Monster High doll," Elsbeth continued. "I don't know how many DVDs... I just grabbed all the cheap ones and threw them in the cart. Someone will watch them," she laughed. "I'm trying to find the enclosed trampolines but they have some of the aisles roped off... It's so fun to bounce," she giggled. "Have you met my husband?"

"Wha-no, I haven't."

"Laurie, this is Alicia Florrick. Alicia, this is my husband, Laurie Tascioni."

"Hello, nice to meet you," Laurie said as he waved from the bed of the cart.

"Hi." Alicia smiled again. She felt uneasy.

"Laurie had to lay down. He started a panic attack when we passed the aisle containing stationary. He never usually has trouble like this... but then he's been different since..." Elsbeth stared into the distance. "Yeah, we come here every year. Laurie just loves it don't you Laurie?"

"I do. I love it. I'm having a blast," he said sincerely before adjusting a SpongeBob pillow and snuggling into it.

Elsbeth hurriedly snatched a DVD from the nearby display, as if she hadn't seen it in the 5 minutes she'd stood beside it, and tossed it on her husband who removed it from his belly, examined it and nodded his head approvingly.

"Hey, we need that one too, honey," he said.

"Which one?"

"That one there with that cute little bug-eyed boy and the guy in the dog suit."

"Oh, that looks so funny. Here," she laughed as she handed it to him. "I just love dog movies, especially ones where they talk. Not bark-talk, woof, woof, I mean," she squinted her eyes and lowered her voice, "Hello, nice to meet you. My name is bowser." She dissolved in a fit of giggles before quickly becoming stoic. Removing a loose hair from her jacket she looked to the ceiling.

"My God, we are getting some great deals. I feel like goin- Hey! Excuse you buddy!" Laurie said as a teenager ran into Elsbeth. "An apology would be nice," Laurie griped as the boy took off without a word. "No manners whatsoever."

"You don't have a cart Mrs. Florrick," Elsbeth said out of nowhere.

"No, I don't. I'm here with my Mother. I don't know where she took off to. I better try to find her. It was nice meeting you Mr. Tascioni." Alicia tried to get away.

"Where are you off too?"

"To find my mother, after that I thought I might try to find an iPad for my daughter.."

"Oh, let me help you! I've been all over the electronics department..."

"No. That's ok."

Laurie looked from his left to his right then asked his wife, "Hey, where'd your brother go?"

Elsbeth spun around and ran into a group of people. "Oops," she placed her fingers to her mouth, "Oh, where do you think we left Theron?"

"Hmm, I faintly remember him say something about the bath salts... but after that, you got me."

"We can't leave him too long. He'll use the card. Oh, wait, look, he's coming this way. Thank goodness." She wrung her hands.

A tall, well dressed, blond, middle-aged man sauntered forward with several articles of clothing draped over an arm. Once he reached Elsbeth's cart he threw the clothes on Laurie, forgetting he was in the cart.

"Hey, why did you leave?" Elsbeth asked.

"Me? Take off?! You left me you-."

"Hey, watch how you talk to my wife," Laurie said as he pulled a pair of trousers off his head.

"You know, it's taken me almost an hour just to get from the front of the store to the electronics department. If we're ready, let's get out the 'F' out of here. I need a soft serve cone to rid myself of this tension."

"Oooh, that sounds good," Laurie said.

"What about the trampoline?" Elsbeth asked.

"Screw the trampoline!"

"I'll see you Mrs. Florrick. Hope you find the iPad," Elsbeth said as she slid the shopping cart into the adjoining department.


End file.
